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Men’s Underwear Guide — Protection Cups, Bulge Booster, Suspensory

November 27, 2009 | 2:17 pm Share

Part 4 of our Men’s Underwear Guide, and yes, I am as surprised as you when I researched into this.

This time we’re talking about protection cup, bulge booster and suspensory. The first one is probably the easiest to digest among the three, it’s a protection wear for sportsmen and athletics. The second one does what its name suggests, and the third one, well, are for people who wants to be infertile.

Yup, these things do exist. If you don’t know about them before, read on and find out!

For those who doesn’t know, this is a series of posts that will help enlighten the guys (and some girls) about the types of men’s underwear out there, when to wear them and when NOT to wear them.

Protective Cups

Comfort: ***
Practicality: ******
Style: *
When to wear it: For heavy sportsmen, street fights or in an argument with a women
When not to wear it: Too bulky for anywhere else!

Protection cups are for professional athletics who are engaged in sports where their own balls might be in jeopardy other than the ones they’re playing. That sounds kind of wrong, but I actually mean games such as football, rugby, baseball, wrestling etc where guys might bang at each other at the most unexpected of places.

Of course, if you happen to be some mafia king who are involved in street fights where people will do anything to get you down, wearing protective cups might be your choice of underwear. Or if you have an abusive girlfriend who loves banging your balls, the hard way. Protection cups are made to protect the family jewels.

These protection cups are built in two forms, compression shorts and athletic supporters which resembles jockstraps, briefs or trunks. Depending on what sort of sports you’re in you wear them to match your other garments. And they sure do look sturdy as hell. Your balls will be safe in this safezone, mate!

Bulge Booster

Comfort: **
Practicality: ***
Style: *
When to wear it: When you have an ego problem
When not to wear it: All the time, PLEASE!

Bulge booster does what its name suggests, making your bulge more prominent. Well, at least it’s making your bulge appear to be bigger, it doesn’t really make them any bigger in real. It’s not a penis growth wear, neither. It’s a thong with a hole in front to hold your lil brother up so it’ll stand up taller.

“Now you can easily, quickly and comfortably increase the size of your bulge with the IJ Bulge Booster. It’s unbelievably simple but amazingly effective. Just pull the waistband on like a pair of underwear and push your boys through the opening created by the contoured support strap and that’s it! Your package will be lifted up and pushed forward, creating a remarkable increase in your male profile.”

Yurp, it’s a remarkable increase in your male profile alright! Just remember it’s all back to the same when you take them off, if you ever really do get that girl on bed for having a bigger bulge.

Suspensory

Comfort: ****
Practicality: ***
Style: *
When to wear it: When you need to have lots of sex and not have kids, Edit: Or you want to have support for a teared genital ligaments
When not to wear it: When you want to have healthy balls

Suspensory is the complete opposite of what bulge boosters are made for. While bulge boosters make your balls big, suspensory makes your balls small, tight, tucked in and warm so that you will kill more sperm and get infertile after wearing it for a few weeks or months.

Yup, it’s a male contraception solution. It’s for guys who want to f**k around and don’t want to get the girls pregnant, so they wear suspensory to kill more sperm. It’s also for couples who had a couple of kids already but don’t want to lose the bedroom fun and get another accident born. By keeping your balls tight and warm your sperm count will reduce due to more heat, thus making it harder for them to produce kids.

While some experts claim that it is perfectly safe and fine to wear them. I’ll leave it to you to decide if you ever want this birth control method that cooks your poor balls.

Edit: While thermal suspensory (as explained above) is one type of suspensory that is used as a contraceptive method, but there’s another type of suspensory that is used as a support for the male genitals. A support suspensory can help support a teared genitals ligament as a result of a hard blow or impact (ouch on the fights!) or “the impact of the penis thrusting into a woman’s pelvic bone” (Read: fucking too hard). So you can wear suspensory in the meantime as your ligaments are recovering. Our friend Gerry which informed me on the comments said that suspensory is actually a pretty comfortable article to wear, and this type of suspensory does not kill sperm count, don’t worry!

So when you get a suspensory, remember to check whether it is a support suspensory, or a thermal suspensory! The former supports while the latter kills sperms, beware!

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We’re all done for our Part 4 of Men’s Underwear Guide. While you might think that we’ve covered everything already for all these 4 parts, well, the truth is there are still more! What’s coming up next are kinky wears such as bodysuits, slings and unusual material fetish wears to be presented to you here on Caramelz.my. Doesn’t matter if you’re kinky or not, at least you know they exist!

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Images are all from International Jock, one of the largest online underwear store. What, you don’t really think I have all the access to all the sexy guys to shoot them in undies, do you?

• Men’s Underwear Guide Part 1 — Boxers, Boxer Briefs, Trunks
• Men’s Underwear Guide Part 2 — Briefs, Bikinis
• Men’s Underwear Guide Part 3 — Thongs, G-strings, Jockstraps
• Men’s Underwear Guide Part 4 — Protection Cup, Bulge Booster, Suspensory